Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
