just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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