He kissed a someone with a penis
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
