Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
