So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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