it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
