So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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