I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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