Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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