What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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