I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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