bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
