You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
