i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
