From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
