my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
