i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
