I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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