Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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