I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i dont even know how to be here
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
