You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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