Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
