Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
