You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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