I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Randomize
