Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
