I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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