Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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