Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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