jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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