well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
