mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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