are you still at the devil's house?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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