Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
