Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
