Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
