Define "chronic" masturbator.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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