You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
