my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
as a side note pls kill me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
