thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
