and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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