There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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