I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
