You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
