who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
God, I missed his penis.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
