oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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