i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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