I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
