FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
