so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
