wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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