So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
