i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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