omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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