It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize