I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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