apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
