Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
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Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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