Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
