Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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