I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
