I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
