I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
