sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
