the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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